Thursday, April 23, 2009

BLOGGING

there are so many unexpected people who will read my blogs, when we are chatting, only i realize how come they know so much about me? they read my blog. i know blogging is meant to be read by friends, but i thought only some of my friends who are blogging too reading my blogs, but i was wrong, must be careful now, cannot simply talk at the back of someone, cause they may reading too, hahaha....

went for movie yesterday, watched knowing, the story not bad, i but i don't really like the ending, because the ending related something to UFO? and the world is going to start all over again, which i feel its so fake, but overall is ok la, recommended too!!

next week is lee hom's concert, looking forward, but there is another concert waiting for me, FISH LEONG's concert, he promise to get the ticket for me, but i feel bad, because his leg is pain but have to walk to sungai wang to help me buy the tickets ( from his working place to sungai wang is not far), i know you are reading, so if you can get the ticket for me, then i treat you a meal la k?

oh ya, finally mommy bought a new shoes rack, which can put around 20 pairs of shoes! yoohoo... which mean, i can buy more shoes.... =)

Monday, April 20, 2009

失去联络

他就这样走了,离开了我。我每天朝思暮想,就是想再见他一面,就算是一面也好,我已经很满足了。

几 年前,我和他透过朋友介绍而认识,从我第一眼看到他,就被他深深地吸引住了。他比我大三岁,高高瘦瘦,样子很平凡,但就是不知道为什么会吸引了我。他有女 朋友,当我知道时,我的心是多么的痛。但我也知道,爱一个人,不一定要拥有他,只要他幸福,快乐,我为他所做的一切都是值得的。虽然我知道我们是不会有结 果的,但又有什么办法呢?我就是喜欢他,喜欢到连我自己也不知道为什么,而且,爱一个人是不会有理由的。为了他,我愿意付出我的全部,但我只想他明白我的 心意而已。

我 每天都很想见到他,每天去学校,竟然也是为了想见他一面。当我看到他时,总是脸红心跳,与他交谈时,我的心就像小鹿乱撞,久久才能平息。但我并没有告诉任 何人,我将它藏在心里,我不敢告诉朋友,因为我怕万一他们不小心说了出去,我不知该怎样去面对,这只会让双方都很尴尬。

自 从有了他我才开始写日记,把我和他之间的点点滴滴都记录下来。日记是最会保守秘密的朋友,它不会告诉任何人,这也是我们之间的一个记录。身边的朋友都会怀 疑,但都被我一一否认了。我和他的感情很好,他很喜欢开玩笑,使我沉闷的世界里增添了许多欢笑,使我的生活不再枯燥烦闷。当我看到他和女朋友在一起时,我 就会醋意大发,很在意他们在一起,但那是他的女朋友啊,我又可以怎样呢?

有 一天,我看到他好像不是很开心,原来他和女朋友分手了,我听了不知要伤心还是开心。伤心的是,看到他憔悴的样子,我的心酸溜溜的;而开心的是,我终于有机 会了,但我不能在这个时候向他告白,他才刚和女朋友分手,如果向他告白,别人会怎么看我呢?我想我自己也会看不起自己。我很想去安慰他,但我就是鼓不起勇 气。其实我真的很想告诉他我喜欢他,但如果他拒绝我,我怕到时候可能连朋友都做不成!我真的不想这样,把我们的关系搞僵了,我只希望可以在一旁静静地守护 着他及看着他,就已经足够了,我并不奢求太多。

但事情并非如我想像:

一 天,从我朋友口中,我收到了一个晴天霹雳的消息。他将转校了,必须搬迁到加拿大去,因为父亲要到那儿工作。这消息对我有如世界末日!我顿时整个人呆了下 来,无法相信这是事实。加拿大,那是一个多么遥远的地方啊!心里的难过,是笔墨也难以形容的,我做任何事情都无法专心,满脑子里都是他的影子。他在我心 中,已经占了很重要的地位。为什么老天爷要这样惩罚我,我到底做错了什么?我要求的并不多,只是想在一旁默默地地支持他,关心他,并没有奢望什么,为什么 连这个机会也不给我呢?

于 是我非常珍惜与他相处所剩的时间,因为我知道,要是他走了,我再也没有机会可以再见到他了。顿时,我希望时间可以停留下来,使我和他可以永远在一起。眼看 时间一天一天地飞逝,我更加伤心。但我又可以怎么样呢?去向他告白?现在做什么都没有用,一切都太迟了,他始终要走,要离开我。

他并没有告诉我他 要走,直到最后一天,他来向我道别。我假装不知道,我非常伤心,但我又要掩饰我内心的悲伤,我压抑着内心的痛抛下这句话:“好啊,离开这里,可以看看外面的世界,去见识那多好啊!” 他 沉默不语,只是微笑。他可以用微笑来回应我,但我呢?我要装没事和他说话,但我的心又不听话,我好想哭,我真的很想哭,但我不能哭,有谁知道我的内心是有 多痛?为什么?为什么?我为什么就是开不了口,到他走的那一天,我还要硬撑,一脸很不在乎的样子。他说他会写信给我,希望我们可以保持联络,我听了,也觉 得比较安慰。至少,他还在乎我。

那 天,天空下着毛毛雨,老天爷就好像我的内心一样的在哭泣。放学道别后,便各自回家。我看着他逐渐消失的背影,他真的走了!他就这样离开我了,我和他从此就 分隔两地了,我很想去送机,但我也知道,只要我多见他一面,我会更舍不得他,让自己更伤心。回到家后,我将自己关在房里哭了一整晚,我一直叫自己别哭,但 无情的眼泪还是像珍珠般一滴一滴滑过脸颊流个不停。我无法控制自己不去想他,因为我爱他实在是太深了,他已完全俘虏我的心了。“难道他对我一点感觉都没有 吗?他真的这么忍心丢下我吗?”我心里反复地问自己。

他 在加拿大的前几个月,都有写信给我,每星期一封。但后来,他从每星期一封到一个月一封或两个月才一封,到最后,他就连一封信也没有写给我。我每天都在苦苦 等待他的信,希望他会回信,但他并没有。我和他就这样失去联络了,我非常伤心和失望,我的心有如被一把尖锐的刀刺伤,非常的痛,但并没有任何人可以和我分 担,我觉得很无助。但也许他的课业很忙,没有空写信给我,但也许。。。是。。。他已经有了女朋友了,这又有谁会知道呢?这个伤口,用了多久的时间复原,又 有谁知道呢?谁可以和我分担?

记 得以前他对我说过,如果遇到自己喜欢的男生,就要把握,不要错过,爱情是不会有第二次机会。但他又知不知道,不是我不要把握,而是我喜欢的人不明白我的 心,离开我,根本没有给我任何机会。我也终于知道我这一生中做了最大的错是什么,就是认识了他,给他机会来伤害我,但我并没有后悔过,因为没有他,我就不 会有那一段快乐的时光。

有 时想想,也觉得自己很傻,等待一个根本没有可能和他在一起的人,也不知道他心里面到底有没有我。唉,谁叫我对他这么认真,爱得这么深。曾几何时,我为他付 出全心全意,但他一次又一次的辜负我,一次又一次的伤害我,令我非常失望,仿佛跌入谷底,又深又暗,我差点站不起来。也是因为他,我没有办法去接受另一段 感情,我无法把他忘记,如果我接受别人,但心里却只有他,这样对那些人太不公平了。

少 了他,我也少了许多欢笑,我的朋友也没有提过他,他就好像在大海中不知去向的船,一去不回,也没有人知道他的去向。每当我翻开日记本时,里面所有的事情都 是关于他,看着看着,一阵心酸涌上心头,无情的眼泪又流了下来,每一件事情都历历在目,好像昨天才发生。就像看着一样的食堂,一切都没有改变,唯一改变的 就是已不见他的踪影了。我的心情就像天气阴晴不定,可以很开心,但一想到他,就变成阴天,总是在想他到底过得好不好,学业怎么样,还有。。。还记不记得 我。

睡觉时,偶尔会梦见他,但每一次都没有和他说话,都是在一旁看他。还有一次是梦见他说要回来念书,我非常开心,但梦归梦,始终不是真实的,可能是别人常说的“日有所思,夜有所梦”吧!我多么希望这梦会实现啊!

我尝试许多方法把他忘记,但都没有效,现在只好默默地等待这位失去联络并可能已将我忘记的“好朋友”。

封咏琪

- 2004-

* I wrote this when i was form2, for my school magazine, when i read again now, i feel childish... hhaha

Saturday, April 18, 2009

SAMSUNG F480



I just want a new phone, i cant wait for my SAMSUNG F480, hahaha.... HE dint wait for me, and bought a LG SECRET, the phone not bad, looks cool, but still i prefer my samsung f480 because it comes with pink color, too bad it doesn't have blue color, but never mind, i am still buying it!

Monday, April 13, 2009

RAINY DAYS

it had been raining for few days, with the chrysanthemum tea, the weather is cold, but my heart is warm, never expect he will send the chrysanthemum tea to my house even though it rained so heavy, although he was going to find his friend after that, but still, i feel touched....

Sunday, April 12, 2009

PC FAIR

10.04.09

went klcc for pc fair, stuck in the traffic for almost 2 hours, wanna park the car in a hotel because the parking fees there is cheaper, but FULL, no choice, have to park in klcc, and do you know how much it charged for 3.5 hours? listen carefully,
3.5 hours = RM10.50
!!! rob money! how can it be that expensive? RM3 for one hour, i was stunned when i saw the cost, so, DON'T EVER PARK IN KLCC PARKING! pc fair not much things to buy, cause the price not much different compare to outside, so just help jennifer to buy her pendrive, and i bought nothing, its a good sign i dint spend much, but the day before, went pyramid with jennifer, i spent again! bought a mng bag after discount RM119, and two pairs of earrings, from MY DIAMOND, cost me RM216, so, i am broke now, some more wanna buy phone, have to save money! dont spend anymore!

11.04.09

went pavillion for movie, K-20, this movie not bad, Takeshi Kaneshiro is so handsome! this movie is recommanded! keep on raining the whole day, so its so nice to walk at the road side, so windy... went sg wang and lowyat to ask for my dream phone, samsung F480, if i want pink, it will cost RM1400, black and silver will cost RM1300, RM100 different, but i think i will buy pink color, trade in my old phone to buy new phone, haha, so that i dont have to take out so much money to buy it, and my old phone is cacated, so its time for me to buy new phone, yea, its time for new phone! these two days my mom din't call me when i was out, is that a good sign? she only called me once, at 7 someting, asked me where was i, i said i was watching movie, its gonna end, then she just say ok, dint ask me much.... but now i found out someone is more annoyed than jennifer! hahaa, u know who u r, i dont want to mention your name here, phone phone phone and trade in, my phone spoilted, cant press the down key! hahaha.....

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

MANAGEMENT BOOTH

had been working for management event these two days, supposingly i am doing the hair booth, but alton asked me to help for the manicure booth, and give me commission, i draw all the nail arts on my nails as sample, to show customers, they can come out with their own ideas or modify my nail arts, business not that good, cause only me and christine was doing it, and another girl but i cant remember her name, she help out, but three of us cant do much, sorry alton, i cant help you to hit your target.... a lot of people dont wan to do at first, but seeing people do, then they wan to do also, and they like to come at the same time, i was so tire, and my shoulder is pain, has been sitting there for hours with the same position, alton is very kind to give me extra allowance, and two bottles of nail colors, thanks..... i feel very happy when seeing people happy with my nail arts, i know some of them i did a bit out, but i am glad that they dont mind, thanks for those who support!

made almond tea and sesame dumpling for me, but too bad, my braces dont allow me to eat the sesame dumpling, i tried a bit and its very nice, smooth.... of course, made by someone =)

Saturday, April 4, 2009

曾经

曾经的我被人遗忘,

曾经的我被人忽略,

曾经的我独自对着电话流泪,

曾经的我独自等待没有人接的电话,

曾经的我等待着不响的电话,

曾经的我等待一个不会回我信息的人,

曾经的我等待不会回来的人,

曾经的我期望不可能发生的希望,

曾经的我以为自己还有希望,

曾经的我爱着不再爱我的人,

现在的我,已不再是曾经的我


因为他不会忘记我,

因为他不会忽略我,

因为他不会让我流泪,

因为他不会不接我的电话,

因为他我的电话会响,

因为他会回我的信息,

因为他不会让我等待,

因为他不会让我失望,

因为他我有了希望

因为他爱我。。。


懂得放下,才会发现,原来有个人早就在你身边,只是双眼被眼泪掩盖了,所以看不清楚,只要放下悲伤,一定会有所发现。。。。。。

Friday, April 3, 2009

THAI FOOD

has been eating porridge since Tuesday, since the day i put on braces, BUT, today i got to eat THAI FOOD!!! i am so happy and full now, never eat rice for so many days, its not an easy task, looking at my mom eating nice food, but i can only smell it, pity me...=( but got to eat thai food today, very happy, ordered fried egg, fried long bean, tom yam soup, steam siapkap and a dessert, although the food not very nice, but i finish all except the tom yam soup, i had been hungry since tuesday, everyday also eat porridge, porridge and porridge.... now, for me, as long as the food is soft, no matter nice taste or not, i can still finish them.... normally people will slim down after they put braces, but i worry i am special case, i always feel hungry easily, eat a lot, wish i din't gain weight..... actually its not that pain to put on braces, just a bit ulcers, others not really bothering.....

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

1ST DAY WITH BRACES

omg, metal face ( what jennifer said ), went to put on braces today, opened my mouth for 2 hours, for the dentist to put on the modules, till my lips were so dried! and body was so tire because lying down there without any movement, for 2 hours+, its so tiring.... but she only put on the wire for my bottom teeth, the top part have to wait for next week, i made appointment at 12.30, but i forgot that day we are having showcase for management, shit la, the dentist is always and no time after i finish class, haihz.... maybe have to wait for another week, but the braces is suffering because the wire is not on, the modules are still opening, feel not so comfortable, unlike my bottom teeth, with wire on, all the modules closed, and i actually dont really feel uncomfortable.... but still its difficult to chew, have to eat some soft food, good for me! DIET! hahaha.....

finally done my skills and strategies essay, although i simply write, but at least i got something to pass up.... going to college tomorrow, but feel like wearing a mask to cover my mouth, its really looks weird! thats why i am not going to post any picture here, hahaha.....